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Wednesday, May 7, 2008
Make It Personal: Improving the Common Denominator in all Your Relationships
Jesus taught an important lesson about relationships. Essentially, what He said is that if any of us tries to improve a relationship by getting the other person to change (working hard to get the speck out of the other person’s eye), energies are being expended in the wrong direction. The place to begin is with our own failures (the plank or beam in one’s own eye).
Alone with God, simply ask, “Lord, what’s wrong with me? What are my faults? What are my sins?” Get your pencil and paper ready, for that is a prayer God will answer. Make a list of your sins.
Go back over the list and agree with God that these are wrong and, at the same time, thank Him for Christ’s death on the cross and therefore for forgiveness. Work through your list and accept God’s forgiveness for every past failure. God does not intend us to live under the emotional load of past failures. We can be forgiven.
The Apostle Paul wrote, “So I strive always to keep my conscience clear before God and man.” I believe that this is the most important principle of mental health and, consequently, of healthy relationships. We empty our conscience toward God when we confess our sins. We empty our conscience toward another person when we go to him or her and confess our failures.
Any time you become aware of friction or ill feelings in your relationships, the first question should be “Lord, what’s wrong with me?” As you see where you are wrong, confess it, accept God’s forgiveness, and ask His Spirit to control you. People do not “make us miserable.” We choose to be miserable. The immediate emotion that arises after the action of another person may be automatic and beyond your control, but what you do with that emotion is your decision.
If you are willing to search your own heart and confess any wrong discovered, then you can feel at peace, even though you are not particularly happy with the situation at hand. You then can be a positive force for change, rather than compounding the problem with your attitude.
Somehow through these couple of years, i have had a few brushes with the religious/spiritual side of my soul, and this was always something worthwhile knowing and thinking about. To feel totally at ease confessing your mistakes ain't easy, but as i found out, it ain't difficult at all either. All it takes is a little courage. And speaking of God, I remember myself standing in front of my platoon as an instructor and lecturing them about their unwillingness to ask questions because of the fear of making them look silly in front of their peers (equivalent of losing face). It goes like this: God gave us a golden mouth to open up and ask, so why aren't you asking(in typical army tone)? Ironically, when i look at the mirror after that, i think to myself, so why am i not doing it? I begin to laugh.
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